I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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