Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize