I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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