come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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