My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize