Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
