I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
