I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
