Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
