Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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