2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You almost got us killed.
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