maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
