drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
