just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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