Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
