I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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