Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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