FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
