note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
