3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
