shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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