He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
