Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
