he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
