Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
