i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it's like iHOP with fire
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
