Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
