ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
