I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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