I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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