You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
