I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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