can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
