You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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