dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
