I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
