Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it's like iHOP with fire
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
