we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
