I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
