Umm I'm too high to move.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
