i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
