Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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