this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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