So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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