Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
