I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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