You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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