girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
