I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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