Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
