I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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