I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
