I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
