I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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