you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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