girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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