You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
