Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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