have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
