I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
