You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
