The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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