I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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