i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
